The Mo’Kelly Report


Celebrity/Model Claudia Jordan Puts Mo’Kelly in Facebook Friend Purgatory

Claudia Jordan

Claudia Jordan

Update 7:52am PDT 5.30.09 Claudia Jordan responds personally!  Be sure to read the comments!  You know what that means…Mo’Kelly will have PLENTY to say in response.

“If someone denies your friend request and you weren’t even sure about whether you wanted to be their Facebook friend in the first place…are you allowed to put the person on blast? Is that within the rules?”

- Mo’Kelly

That was the question Mo’Kelly posed on his Facebook page very recently.  Facebook etiquette is a tempestuous thing.  It’s a living and breathing organism.  It’s a widely debated and evolving oral tradition passed down from internet social networking website generation to generation.  What might have been acceptable on Blackplanet evolved somewhat to fit Myspace and then changed even further for Facebook.  The rules aren’t written, but they are still rules nonetheless.

Some things are cool…some things clearly aren’t cool as you navigate the social networking landscape.  But we all for the most part know the “netiquette” of social networking.  The behavior of celebrated actress and briefcase opener/closer Claudia Jordan is simply unacceptable and Mo’Kelly is not going to stand for it any longer.

Mo’Kelly has known Claudia Jordan casually for years.  I know, what some of you are thinking already…

”Who?”

Don’t rush Mo’Kelly…he’ll get to that.

Mo’Kelly won’t overstate the truth, but we’ve exchanged personal emails every now and then and would run into each other on a weekly basis during the Entertainment Bowling League over the years during its season.

Claudia knows who Mo’Kelly is…trust.  Y’all know who Mo’Kelly is.  Mo’Kelly is the syndicated columnist with DOZENS upon DOZENS of readers nationally.

But I digress…

Publicly, Claudia had always been polite and said hello.  She was consistently warm and engaging, never unwilling to stop for conversation.  And no, Mo’Kelly never hit on her (or her friends).  Well…maybe one friend…or two or four (her Ovaries Crew…those that know, know).  To be clear, Mo’Kelly has never said an unkind word to Claudia or about Claudia publicly or privately.

Ever.

So imagine Mo’Kelly’s surprise when Claudia denied/ignored Mo’Kelly’s Facebook“friend” request on Facebook.

Child…yes she did!

Mo’Kelly said to himself…”Oh there must be some mistake, we have 54 mutual Facebook friends. She MUST have friended and “accidentally” de-friended Mo’Kelly.  Let’s try again.”

ClaudiaFace3

Mo’Kelly ended up in Facebook Friend Purgatory with the second attempt.  Yes, “Friend Purgatory”…you know, where it says “friend requested” FOREVER…while her friend count still accumulates WITHOUT you.

Mo’Kelly picked his face off the floor not once, but twice…

(And yes, Mo’Kelly is sure he had the right page, Mo’Kelly cross-stalked ERRR cross-checked against her personal email address…Mo’Kelly had the right page, not a fake one.)

So, I asked my Omega Psi Phi Fraternity frat brother Al as to whether Mo’Kelly should be offended about being put in Friend Purgatory by “celebrity briefcase opener” Claudia Jordan?

He said…(Blank stare)

“Who?” :|

CJBeachMo’Kelly said, “You know…The Black “Barker’s Beauty” that used to be on The Price is Right.  Showcase Showdown?”

(Blank stare)

“Sexy raspy voice, nice physique…uh…not jogging your memory?”

(Blank stare)

Mo’Kelly turned away and then called his college buddy and actor Chris, and asked him…”Should Mo’Kelly be offended about Claudia Jordan putting him in Friend Purgatory?”

He said… (Blank stare)

“Who?” :|

Mo’Kelly said, you know…Deal or No DealFoxhole Radio with Jamie Foxx.. Black, briefcases, bangin’ body…?

Claudia1To which, Chris responded with another equally blank stare.  The silence became increasingly uncomfortable and unbearable.  Mo’Kelly shifted the conversation instead to something lighter, something far more interesting…needlepoint.

Undeterred, Mo’Kelly later asked his high school friend Dave.  Surely SOMEBODY would have an informed opinion to offer.  The question was posed.  Dave’s eyes rose to their right corner…which means searching for the truth (I think) and said…

“Who?” :|

Mo’Kelly said, “You know…Celebrity ApprenticeThe Claudia Jordan Show which can be heard Mondays 10 east 7 pacific on Sirius Channel 106, XMRadio Channel 149.  (You’re welcome for that plug Claudia)

celebrity-apprentice-week-2

Dave paused…Mo’Kelly became hopeful, and then Dave came back with…

“No…naw, not ringing a bell.  You got a picture?  That might help.”

Needless to say, Mo’Kelly was not pleased.  Not only was Mo’Kelly sensitive about being in Friend Purgatory with a “celebrity” he actually DID know to some degree, he was being turned down by a “celebrity” nobody heard of…if there is such a thing.  How oxymoronic and painful is that?!  Oh the pain…the pain.  It was turning out to be a double heaping of insult.

Claudia Jordan was big-timing Mo’Kelly!

If she appeared on “Celebrity” Apprentice she would have to in fact be a “celebrity,” right?  Wasn’t that part of the rules laid down by Donald Trump?  Wasn’t that in the fine print?  That’s like being married and also competing on The Bachelor.  That’s got to disqualify you even before you start…right?  How do non-celebrities, appear on Celebrity Apprentice?

Just asking a question…

Yeah, yeah…I know, I know…it’s Facebook, it shouldn’t be that serious.  But damnit it is.  Yeah, yeah, Mo’Kelly is sounding petty and sensitive and you would be right.  Mo’Kelly is all about petty and insensitivity.  This is Mo’Kelly you’re talking about here, the king of pettiness and insensitivity.  But it’s the principle of the issue.  Like Big Worm said, this is about “principalities.”

When nobody knew her name and she didn’t even have a job, Mo’Kelly defended her honor.  Now it seems, she has THREE jobs, STILL nobody knows her name and Mo’Kelly can’t even get out of Friend Purgatory?

Really?  It’s like that?!

Maybe Claudia is best friends with Brandy, Sheryl Underwood, El DeBarge,

Ray J.'s Sister

Ray-J's Sister

Vivica Fox, Isaiah Washington and/or Wesley Snipes.  If true, that would definitely explain it.  Mo’Kelly has zero chance at being their Facebook Friends either…and with good reason.  Meaning, we can assume that if El DeBarge has internet access at Lancaster State Prison…he will not be approving any Facebook “friend request” from Mo’Kelly and Mo’Kelly is not in any way unclear as to why.   It’s all good in the prisonhood.

Or maybe Claudia is just not a fan of The Mo’Kelly Report.  Naw, that CAN’T be it.  EVERYBODY not named El DeBarge is deep down a fan of The Mo’Kelly Report.  That’s just crazy talk.  Like I said, DOZENS upon DOZENS of readers nationally.  You do know that was “DOZENS” with an ‘s’…plural?

But let the record reflect, when people called Claudia Jordan “Vanna Black” for opening briefcases a la Vanna White turning letters on the Wheel of Fortune, Mo’Kelly defended her honor.  Never again.  Claudia will rue the day she put Mo’Kelly in Friend Purgatory.

When people clowned Claudia on “Celebrity” Apprentice for allegedly being a “talentless nobody” (their words)…Mo’Kelly defended her honor.  Never again.  Claudia will rue the day.  Rue it thou will.

And this is how doth repay mine loyalty?  Facebook Friend Purgatory?

Oh the pain…the pain.

RELATED: Read Claudia’s Response and the Continuing Fallout


The Mo’Kelly Report is an entertainment journal with a political slant; published weekly at www.eurweb.com. It is meant to inform, infuse and incite meaningful discourse…as well as entertain. The Mo’Kelly Report is syndicated by Blogburst. For more Mo’Kelly, http://mokellyreport.wordpress.com.  Mo’Kelly can be reached at mrmokelly@gmail.com and he welcomes all commentary.

http://twitter.com/mrmokelly

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21 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Ah….being “friendzoned”. Not a good feeling. But the best way to deal with being friendzoned is to simply treat the friendzoner as though she no longer exists. NOT making this blog post about her would have been the best solution. I have some other things I’d like to say, but I read your blog too much to get booted off :D

Comment by Mack Lyons

It’s all good. I don’t anyone should take me or this too seriously. I would never want anyone to SERIOUSLY think I trip off of Facebook adds.

Comment by mrmokelly

No, you did the right thing, just like Spike Lee. I think there are legitimate questions posed here. Although the complexities of Facebook etiquette span the length of the Grand Canyon, the bottom line is this: either you want that person in your FB circle or you don’t. AND, if you don’t, and you happen to be Claudia Jordan (Who?) you’d better be prepared to possibly be snubbed by that person one day. (Should ‘that person’ happen to be Mo’Kelly you might actually be snubbed via a daily published media blog that reaches dozens upon dozens of people. Dozens.) But that’s the chance you take. For example: Today, a girl from high school FB friend requested me. I am currently good friends with her ex-husband and his current wife. Will I accept her friend request? Hell no. We’re friends on the high school NING site. You can reach me there if you need me. Why do you want to connect with me on FB? I have an idea why you might want to… and Yvette does NOT like mess. Either way, it’s my choice and I’m willing to take the snub if need be.

Comment by Yvette in L.A. formerly of LA

Yeah, Yvette, I clearly see what you mean. Sometimes you have to be smart enough to head off trouble before it starts. Many times the mere appearance of impropriety is all you need for problems.

Yes, I could do a small book on social networking netiquette and there are legitimate issues to be discussed. But I was more having fun here than broaching those more serious issues. But if the conversation continues to go there…so be it. It makes for good comment threads.

Comment by mrmokelly

Mo, I still don’t know who this chick is?? but she does look good!!LOL so I understand.

Comment by Gua

Ok…Brandy,El,Wesley…I know why they’re ticked of at you…but what did you say about Vivica?

Comment by Mark

I did a rather…uh…un-nice piece on Vivica around the alleged sex tape that featured her. I don’t think she’ll ever speak to me. But I’m cool with that too.

Comment by mrmokelly

Hmmmm so u don’t know who I am but Donal Trump who called me everytime he saw me on tmz and who recognized my work in real estate (yeah I do that too) and who just hired me to host one. Of the biggest shows in the world- knows ‘who I am” but your friends don’t.I’m not going to run off my resume-but it’s pretty descent and mainstream-but that’s not important either. But people kill me that write blogs about people who they say aren’t celebrities when again, they are writing blogs about them- I never understood that. As for you’re point about why would a non celeb be on Celebrity apprentice-you’re right. What were they thinking? They totally dropped the ball with me-i mean I should REALLY get my resume weight up to hang with the likes of a poker player, the daughter of a comedian, a golfer no ones heard of and the sister of someone who had a sex tape. I mean-wow how can someone who’s been on tv everyday for the past 10 years have the audacity to think she’s worthy to join the ranks of celebrity apprentice? And the fact that I am talentless??? I musy be really lucky! Look-i planned on keeping my facebook page super private cause I engage with any and everyone on myspace leaving myself open to criticism and people taking pictures off and starting rumors (like me allegedly being with puffy-never) so I had thousands of people in facebook friend purgatory. One day I decided to approve as many as I could and in one day approved over 3000. I found out that once u hit 5000 friends ur page gets deleted so I decided to reserve my last 120 spots for people I really do know. Then I just stopped even checking the requests. Right now I have 500 people waitng to befriend this “nobody” but the GOOD thing is you said yourself that you really didn’t know if u cared to be my friend on facebook in the first place-and u don’t really care + the fact that you’re basically saying u and ur friends don’t think I’m shit anyways-makes it a win win situation for all! I had no idea u were in friend request facebook purgatory cause I rarely look-and if it makes u feel any better I have 2000 messages in my in box. Its so crazy cause being a nobody certainly has gotten me quite a few people who enjoy coming with me on this ride while I just try to make my mark in this world and be a positive role model to the folks that care to watch. Take care…. Claudia

Comment by claudia jordan

Claudia,

Since I can verify that this comment is actually from you…let me say this. You had the wonderful opportunity to take a joke and let people know you have a wonderful sense of humor. You’ve obviously declined that opportunity. If you should actually think that I pined away over a Facebook request, let me introduce you to my friend called “sarcasm.”

I offered you the opportunity to do an interview and tell people about all the wonderful things you’re doing in the community, a platform in which to do so…you declined…opting instead for a comment.

But since you wanted to take specific issue about the piece and allege that I and my friends think you’re “shit”…let me open your eyes to some things. You missed the part in the piece about the Miley Cyrus controversy.

…Oh yeah, that’s right…it’s NOT in there.

The reason I didn’t put it in there was because the piece was to be self-deprecating and fun/funny. Although it would have been well-within my right to broach the subject. You make the point that you are a positive role model, but conveniently omit your part in the Miley Cyrus debacle. Jamie Foxx publicly apologized, but there’s a whole room of people in that audio chiming in. Of which you’re one…I know your voice.

So if you want to have a conversation about all the positive things you’ve done, let the record reflect that Mo’Kelly CLEARLY avoided the negative…the REAL NEGATIVE.

To bring this all together,

Sarah Palin went on SNL and got high marks…people appreciated she didn’t take herself too seriously. John McCain went on David Letterman after Letterman was KILLING him…people appreciated McCain didn’t take himself too seriously. Didn’t help him win…but people found him much more likable.

I know a little bit about this media thing…even though you think I’m just “a blogger.”

You had the opportunity to REALLY let people know “who” you were, the projects you were working on and the your goals within the community. You instead opted for a singular comment that leaves the impression of bitterness and that you take yourself way too seriously.

Not only that…you’ve made it now where Mo’Kelly will do not ONE but TWO pieces on you. The second one will be ALL serious. There won’t be any clowning and when your PR person searches for clippings with your name in it…they will find not ONE but TWO from Mo’Kelly…that will live on in internet eternity.

This was just a joke…trust me, Facebook isn’t that serious.

But the next piece…nothing but serious fact. I’m going to put my foot in this one. It won’t be mean, but it will be some of the deepest material I’ve ever written. Thank you for the opportunity.

Comment by mrmokelly

Mo,

Let it go… She’s not worth it. The whole thing is way below you. It’s now turning into something bigger then it needs to be. But what do I know.

Frank Higginbotham

Comment by Frank H

Seriously…WHO?!?!

Comment by Michelle

Frank, this will not be a war, this is in fact a teachable moment. You’ll see. Something very good is about to come out of this.

Comment by mrmokelly

Can I just ask what any of this has to do with global warming?

:-O

Comment by Walt Bennett

This is better than a tennis match!!!

Comment by Yvette in L.A. formerly of LA

Sticks and stones can break your bones and words can really, really hurt you (at any age). They can inflict the deepest wounds, leaving the most horrible scars that you spend a lifetime attempting to cover, self-medicate, overcompensate, underachieve or just plain give up…

Mo, you hurt her feelings. Selah

Check out the trailer for PRECIOUS the movie – http://tylerperry.com/premiere/

Let me go it’s about to get shonuff ugly. My eyes are tearing up and the adhesive on my eyelash extensions are loosening, ‘bout to come off at the j-o-b.

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